Just had a long conversation with someone who was offended by one of my posts. Together we deconstructed the entire idea of a joke and at the end of it, both agreed that I’m not funny.
I woke up today
and found out there’s a youtube video of me drunkenly rapping Gucci Gucci behind a 7-11. I officially can never run for President.
[[MORE]]Taking a timeout from hanging my NBA inspired “Where Amazing Happens” poster over my bed to remind myself that I am an adult.
I don't have
[[MORE]]the kind of allergies that puts a physical strain on my daily life. I have the kind that get’s me out of hanging out with annoying friends. The best kind.
[[MORE]]I think my tumblr career peaked shortly after I came up with the title of my blog.
I use my penis to overcompensate for my shitty car.
Girl: Ugh, why is your car so shitty?
Me: Because I have a gigantic penis.
Just so you know, I drive a 1989 Ford Festiva with a broken sunroof and a duct taped passenger window.
[[MORE]]Why are people on makeover shows so cool with everything? All of your closest friends and family got together and decided that all of your clothes are so fucking hideous that instead of talking to you about it, they went behind your back and got professional help. It’s like an intervention, but instead of drugs, they’re worried about being seen with you in public.
Friend: Are you wearing a woman's jackett?
Me: Nah, man. It's European.
I'm beginning to think
that this denim jacket I got at the thrift store is a woman’s jacket. But me and my tiny, feminine torso don’t give a fuck.