Friend: Was that you softly moaning in the other room?
Me: Yeah. Why? How do you eat blue cheese?
I want to do something productive today. The only question is, do I watch just the one season of Gilmore Girls or do I put my nose to the grindstone and finish the entire box set?
I told you, man..
It says it right here. In 1772, Benjamen Franklin tried to weaponize kites after discovering the awesome power of electricity. He tried to organize a brigade of soldiers only armed with kites, keys and a little bit of string. They called themselves the Tethered Death Squad… No, you can’t see my phone.
A friend complimented me on my “great taste in music” and asked me where I find my music from. I told her the same place everyone does. A car commercial.
(a little drunk at a party…) Me: What?! You’re from France! Say something in French! French Girl: Baguette. Me: Sounds legit.
A few hours after eating a 20 oz porterhouse...
“It’s like there’s an eternal struggle of good and evil going on in my colon and what’s happening in the bathroom is what happens when the courage of good men fails.”
I’m sick of people quoting me too.– Steve Jobs
Went into Hollister for the first time in my life and I don’t know if it was the dim lights, pulsating club music, or the hordes of underage tweens, but it felt like I walked into a poorly planned Dateline sting operation.
BALL SO HARD GADDAFI WANT TO FIND ME!!! “drunkenly screaming this when i go out tonight” - me (don’t let me get in my zone)